I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
