I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
