Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
