At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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