but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
