yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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