Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have surprise drugs for everyone
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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