Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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