What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
