I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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