I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
