So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
