I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
