Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
