You're so nebulous sometimes
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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