Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
