Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
