It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
