Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
