I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
