I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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