if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
