Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
