I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
