In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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