I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize