Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
