I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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