So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
