dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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