Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
