so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
