Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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