She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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