apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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