Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
