you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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