take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
