dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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