i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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