remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Your penis caused this!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
