so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
