I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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