i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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