Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
