If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.