Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
