Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  is swine flu sexually transmttd?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Ha no, why?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad

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  (248): is swine flu sexually transmttd? (313): Ha no, why? (248): sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad http://tfl.nu/84sc
  Replies (4) Good night (1137) Bad night (693)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.

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  (604): the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick. http://tfl.nu/jjwi
  Replies (27) Good night (6632) Bad night (777)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room

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  (267): You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room http://tfl.nu/2vn0
  Replies (12) Good night (4450) Bad night (1182)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?

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  (828): Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom? http://tfl.nu/y1hl
  Replies (26) Good night (1488) Bad night (7985)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

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  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (7139) Bad night (5708)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.

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  (616): So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together. http://tfl.nu/gv0c
  Replies (7) Good night (6684) Bad night (1791)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation

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  (207): he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation http://tfl.nu/dl0f
  Replies (24) Good night (1129) Bad night (4953)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'

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  (512): Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob' http://tfl.nu/rohh
  Replies (17) Good night (1212) Bad night (2486)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave

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  (763): Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave http://tfl.nu/o1tg
  Replies (3) Good night (2868) Bad night (894)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.

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  (201): Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain. http://tfl.nu/l4y5
  Replies (11) Good night (2772) Bad night (1540)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"

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  (210): when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug" http://tfl.nu/5kj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1736) Bad night (718)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.

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  (901): Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open. http://tfl.nu/khnp
  Replies (10) Good night (773) Bad night (2579)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap

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  (774): Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap http://tfl.nu/vchr
  Replies (3) Good night (1316) Bad night (491)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.

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  (515): I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun. http://tfl.nu/37p2
  Replies (9) Good night (1974) Bad night (580)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna

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  (651): drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna http://tfl.nu/yd45
  Replies (3) Good night (505) Bad night (1727)

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