I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
