I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway