Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.