a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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