Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
