Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize