Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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