Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
