hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He passed out mid-signature
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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