I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
