well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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