It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
