Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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