I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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