the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
