you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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