Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
