she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
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No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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