you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
