She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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