So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
