i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
